


Unprofessional Conduct

by FemaleSpock



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Crack, M/M, Matt the radar technician - Freeform, Online Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5826046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FemaleSpock/pseuds/FemaleSpock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren finds out that Hux has an online dating profile; Hux finds out that 'Matt' is thirsty AF.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unprofessional Conduct

Kylo Ren couldn't believe his eyes when he saw it. He'd downloaded the app _purely_ because he'd noticed a lot of his employees were spending time on their datapads and not focusing on their work. He'd just wanted to see the appeal so he could better understand how to manage and motivate his workforce. That was the point of this whole 'Undercover Boss' experiment after all. He'd never expected to see General Hux, of all people, on one of these apps but there it was in plain type: General Hux, 34, Scary. The scant profile offered no other details but there _was_ a picture of the General, his official personnel photo in fact. It was a handsome photo, Kylo would give him that, but it did it did make him look rather serious, too serious for a silly app like this. What was he even doing on there anyways? Surely someone so powerful and, objectively speaking, attractive could get a date without resorting to this?

 

He contemplated what to do with this new knowledge. He could report him to Snoke for wasting company time but he had no real proof that Hux was using it during work hours. Besides, the idea of trying to explain dating apps to Snoke made Kylo cringe inside. He supposed he could blackmail Hux with it but the fact that he'd put his information up for all the public to see, probably meant that he wasn't too ashamed anyways. It wasn't like the profile said anything he didn't already know. Hit by inspiration he checked his own fake profile. Like Hux's, it was hardly overflowing with information, simply reading: Matt, 29, Shredded. He very much doubted that Hux would be able to identify him by that or the profile pic of him giving a friendly thumbs-up. Confident in his disguise, he tapped on the message icon on Hux's profile. It would be an excellent joke. I mean, he definitely wasn't interested in the General....

 

* * *

 

Matt: Hi, I'm Matt, I'm a radar technician. 

Matt: What's ur first name, btw? 

Matt: So I know what to scream out later :P

General Hux: That's classified.

Matt: Have it ur way

Matt: What r u up to atm? :)

General Hux: Going over the technical plans for a highly classified weapon.

Matt: I could show u a highly classified weapon ;)

General Hux: I thought you were a radar technician, not a weapons specialist. You look familiar - where do you work?

Matt: That wasn't the kind of weapon I was talking about...

Matt: I work at the Starkiller base, same as u. Shame on u for not knowing ur staff!

Matt: But I'm sure I can think of a way u can make it up to me :P

Matt: There have to be some employee perks to working here...

General Hux: This is highly unprofessional conduct, technician, you should not be attempting to proposition your superiors! 

Matt: It may be wrong but it feels so right, give yourself over to the darkside...

General Hux: If you do not desist, I will be forced to discipline you.

Matt: Haha, and then what? ;)

General Hux: Who hired you? There is no record of you anywhere on the system.

Matt: Kylo Ren

Matt: Now he's a superior officer in  _every_  sense of the word

Matt: ....

 

The app said Matt was still typing but Hux had seen enough.  _Ren._ Of course Ren would pull something like this. He pulled out his Kylo Ren tracker (that thing was surprisingly useful) and marched out of his room to find him and make him pay for his actions.

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo could literally feel General Hux's anger from a hallway away and all signs pointed to it being directed at him.  He threw his glasses across the room and then pulled off the wig and hid it under his pillow.  If he was going to face the wrath of Hux, he'd rather not do it in Matt's dorky clothes. He was desperately trying to rip off the orange vest when the door opened and an extremely irate looking Hux walked on through. 

 

"Ren! Everytime I think you've hit rock bottom, you sink a little lower in my estimation.” He paused and took in his outfit. “And what _are_ you wearing?"

 

"General?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm and neutral. 

 

“Don’t try to deny it, I know all about _Matt.”_

“I can-”

 

“Do you have any idea how unprofessional it is to sleep with your employees?”

 

Kylo blinked. “Wait, who am I supposed to have slept with?”

 

“Matt! That little twink you hired?” said Hux.

 

“Twink?” Kylo repeated in offended tones.

 

Hux gestured with his datapad. “And it turns out he’s not so loyal because he’s been messaging me constantly. Guess he’ll fuck anyone with enough power.”

 

“You’re right,” Kylo said, serenely.

 

“I am?” Hux was taken aback. “I mean, of course, I’m right.” He was always right; he just wasn’t used to Ren admitting it.

 

“You’re right,” he said, slowly looking Hux up and down. “Guess I should upgrade to sleeping with my equals.”

 

Hux looked away, his eye caught by the reflection from a pair of broken glasses in the corner. He frowned and scanned the rest of the room, noticing something distinctly yellow and hairy-looking poking out from under Ren’s pillow. He looked back at his colleague and sighed. “You’re into some weird stuff, aren’t you, Ren?”

 

Kylo smirked. “You have no idea.”

 

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Then I look forward to finding out.” He stepped forward and closed the distance between them.

 

End

 

Notes

 

I saw the script description posted [here](http://deluxekyluxtrashcan.tumblr.com/post/137276844999/general-hux-34-scary) and I could just imagine Hux describing himself that way on a dating app and I was hit by a sudden plot bunny. I'm meant to be working on my more serious Kylux fic (plus you know, essays for uni) but I couldn't resist the idea of Kylo as Matt catfishing Hux and just sending the worst innuendos. I don't think my contribution to the genre of Matt fics is particularly original (oblivious/jealous Hux comes up in a lot of the awesome fics I've read) but I enjoyed writing it anyways. 

 

As ever, any feedback is much appreciated!

 


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